Oldboy (2005, Chan-wook Park)

**SPOILERS**

Wow -- I'm getting finicky in my old age or something, cuz I didn't find the latest from Park (the respectable Joint Security Area) to be the Next Big Thing nor The Death of Fine Cinema, just rather ordinary and slightly boring. Didn't find the characters very interesting, and the story never builds, just limps from scene to scene. (You got tired out by the back-and-forth of Pirates of the Carribean's climax? Meet Oldboy's entire second hour.) The problem here is that so much is withheld, that the only way for the story to proceed is through exposition, leading to lengthy flashbacks involving characters we've just met and have no emotional involvement with. Nor does it help that the story turns out to be a sexual variation on "Scott Tenorman Must Die", yet Cartman's revenge is not only more visceral ("Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mmm-yummy!"), but more plausible as well. Yes, there's a magnificent fight scene (dubbed "Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em" by the ever-brilliant Theo) that's done in one take, but other than that... this is considered "stylish"? This is considered Fincher-esque? He's using split-screen and a giant clock for transitions! OMG!!!Eleven!!! Critics be trippin' -- they also need to rewatch the goddam Game.