a funny thing happened on the way to Batman Begins

So last Saturday, my wife and I walked down to the Majestic Bay to see Batman Begins (rating: 80, btw, although the usual suspects demur). On the way there, we pass by the awesome new Ballard library that opened about a month ago, and I notice a sign in the lobby that read AUDITIONS. Huh, I thought, wonder what that's for. My wife asks if I want to go in and get info, but I want to get to the theater early -- I mean, it's Batman. I figure if the sign's still there when we come back, I'll inquire within.

So we get out of Batman Begin Again, very pleased, and head back home. Passing the library, I see that the sign is still there. Nothing better to do, so why not see what's up?

Now, as some of y'all might know, I'm not a complete newbie when it comes to acting. My degree is in theater, and I've plenty of plays under my belt. I've also done some stuff in front of the camera -- this is the biggest, although that's more of a "performance" than acting per se. But despite my experience, I've spent most of the last decade focusing on my writing, and while I've always loved acting, I never thought of it as "what I do". But writing is, of course, very solitary and very mental, and the onus of seeing a project through is completely on the shoulders of the writer. Actors, I think, have it a bit easier; they need only concern themselves with a single, intense task -- their role -- and the responsibility of the production, as a whole, is ultimately in other hands. There's a kind of freedom in slavery for the actor, and it's a kind of freedom I haven't tasted in a long while. So why not audition?

Why not, indeed?

So we go into the lobby and I read the audition scene, presumably from the screenplay they intend to film. It's funny, about a boss berating his employee -- kinda Coen Brotherish, I thought. The library has a small meeting room next to the lobby that can be rented for free, and it looks like they're auditioning someone, so I start filling out the questionnaire thingy. Now's when I start to get nervous, because I'm unsure how I should answer questions about my past experience. It's all a little... old, and it's not like I have URLs memorized for recent stuff like above.

But then the assistant director comes out, and asks if I'm auditioning. I say yes, and she asks if I made an appointment.

Um, no.

See, turns out the auditions were for people who answered a call board through places like 911 Media Arts. It wasn't for anyone who wandered in off the street.

Oh.

I turn bright crimson and feel like a complete jackass. I cross my name off the call sheet that I signed ("everyone else had signed it!" I reasoned), hand her the questionnaire, and thank her for her time.

But wait. Am I an actor? she asks. Do I have experience? I tell her I do, and since there's a lull in the auditioning process, she thinks maybe I can squeeze in. Do I have a monologue prepared?

Um, no. (And now I feel like a jackass times two.)

I go into the room and meet the two guys making the movie. They seem pretty cool (impressive), young (intimidating) and they seem to have their shit together (impressive and intimidating). I introduce myself, and tell them about my Project Greenlight experience, which seems to go over well. They tell me I can start reading the scene whenever I'm ready. I've read it through three times by that point, and have a good idea how I want to approach the scene. And then I realize that my mouth and throat have gone totally bone dry and I can barely talk. One of the guys gets me a glass of water, which was incredibly kind, but fuck... now I'm at Jackass X 3.

(Oh, and then I ask, "Was I supposed to have the scene memorized?" Well of course not, and I kinda knew that, but I'm so nervous and so embarrassed by this point that I feel the need to try and head off any more potential embarrassment... and embarrass myself once again. Jackass X 4.)

So then I read the scene. It's a comedy, but I like to approach that kind of material, not wacky, but with some seriousness, since comedic characters generally don't know they're in a comedy. It sounded i-ight to my ears, but may have been too low-key and underplayed. Would it even register as acting?

There's a short moment of silence, and then they say it was very good. They briefly describe the character I'd be good for, then I shake their hands and thank them once again for the opportunity, and my wife and I head back home.

For most of the day, I'm a little freaked out. At first, because I'm still royally embarrassed by the whole "walking in off the street" thing, but then, later, because I start second-guessing my performance. Should I have gone "bigger"? I don't know these people -- are they just humoring me? I just thought of something I could've done for a monologue -- why couldn't I have thought of it then? A week previous, on Dinner For Five, I saw Jason Lee talk about auditioning, and how awful it is, and I think I felt a little superior. Clearly I had forgotten what it was like. Imagine smashing your ego on the floor and then kneeling down to pick up the pieces in front of everyone. That's auditioning. Even though I know the truth -- that it's grueling for the people on the other side, since they're terrified that they won't find the right people they need -- somehow, it's no consolation.

By Wednesday morning, I'd calmed down, and since it'd been four days and I hadn't heard anything, I figured I got passed over and that was that. Ready to go with life.

But then I check my email, and see that something came in late the previous night:

"We enjoyed watching you perform and would like to invite you back to play the part of the lab partner in the film “Douglas.” It is a fun part and we think you would fit it wonderfully."

Holy shit.

I've been cast in a short film.

Small part? Big part? Don't know, and don't care. I'm gonna be in a movie!

Once again, thank you to the people at Frankenhuffer Productions -- Alisha, Ty, and... Matt? (Oh shit, I can't remember the other guy's name. Jackass X 5.) I can't wait to get started this August, and I hope that I can be an asset to your film.

I'm really looking forward to this. I haven't really tried to do anything creative outside of a comfort zone of collaborators I already know very well. I love my comfort zone with all my heart, but I've never really tested myself with a group of complete strangers. Can I hack it? I guess I'll find out. Wish me luck.

Where we saw it: general | We deign to rate it: 100 outta 100
Posted by kza at 01:54 PM | Comments (11)