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Hey folks, welcome to Spitball!, the world's first screenplay written by blog.You may want to read the posts in our about section, particularly our Statement of Purpose

Or, you can start on the first post and work your way through sequentially by using the 'suceeding' links above the post name.

Who?

There are two of us here: Kent M. Beeson (aka Urban Shockah) bio, and Martin McClellan (aka Burley Grymz) bio.

Speedy Synopsis

After fighting through 50 different story ideas, the boys have picked Time to Die as the script to write. They are now starting the writing process.

« preceeding (Burley's Time to Die Pitch: 1.0) | Main | succeeding (Re[2]: Shockah's Time to Die Pitch: 1.0) »

Re: Shockah's Time to Die Pitch: 1.0

June 27, 2007 · by Burley Grymz · Permalink · Category: Time to Die, the screenplay

First things first: iPhone.

Okay, that satisfies our Union of Bloggers and Hipsters June 2007 requirement. Now back to your regularly scheduled Spitball!

Not a bad first pitch. One very interesting thing that I just noticed: you have September Rose going to the Prison Planet to meet her husband. So, the struggle all takes place there. I picture her on Earth, and a large part of the struggle is getting there. And then getting back.

Overall, I do like your pitch, but as you mentioned it’s too long, and doesn’t really snap yet in my opinion.

I feel like so much real estate needs to be devoted to setting up the conflict that comes within the first ten minutes or so

I think that’s why we need to find a way to focus attention back on September Rose. Also, I think the hook isn’t in the idea of cheating death, but in the race to cheat death. So for me, ironically, the setup of the world holds little interest.

I say: okay, he can be brought back, but more importantly, can she get him? That’s the question we want to raise in people’s heads.

Okay — just my few thoughts. Please lay waste to my first attempt, and we’ll continue hammering away until it snaps and sparkles.